I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
