oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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