I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
