I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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