didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
