He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
