as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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