So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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