420 ftw
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
