her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
