Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
