I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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