Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
