Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
please come you make the beer taste better
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
