we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
