If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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