i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
