we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
