Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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