my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
