he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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