I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
