Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
