Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
