This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
