i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
