Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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