Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
