Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
