Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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