I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
