the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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