somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
