people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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