I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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