dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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