you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
