dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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