Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
