I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
