If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
