I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
