i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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