I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
