I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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