The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
