It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
