i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
