We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
