i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
