There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
