Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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