she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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