oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
