Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
