i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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