i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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