Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
