just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
